All I ever wanted was to be a mom. It was a hard struggle to become one. Both times, it was a miracle and a blessing. After my little man was born it was not long before I knew I could not work outside the home anymore.
I just could not be away from my kids. My daughter was in school, but I still had a chance to be home with my baby.
So I took that leap and started this blog and started working from home so I could be with him. I was blessed with an amazing full time job along the way and he has been with me through it all.
Over the years he has been my little work buddy. My entertainment.
A distraction when I needed it. And my distraction even when I didn’t need it.
I knew how blessed I was to be able to be home with him each day. And I loved it. Yes, it has been challenging. But, oh the joy!
I have had the blessing of flexibility to take off and have lots of mom and son fun time.
And now, here we are, just over a week away from sending him to public school. I am not ready to let go.
Every time I think about it, I start crying. Something in my heart aches when I picture my little boy walking through those big doors and into this new life. His life will no longer be all about his mom and our dog and just being silly at home. Now his social life begins.
For years he has watched his big sister go to school. He has joined me at her programs, at her school lunches, school parties. Now it is his turn.
No more trips to the park for fun and picnics just me and him.
No more silly midday dancing, crafts, or walks.
I am terrified. He has a very unique personality. I have been by his side to explain to others when he does not answer them. Or when he backs into a corner. I have always protected him. I worry that I will not be there to protect him. What if he is bullied? What if he is left behind? What if he gets scared? What if the teacher does not understand his personality like I do? What if? What if? I am so scared to let go!
This is my baby. This is the last first day of Kindergarten that I will go through. Why is it so hard? What do I do when I come home to an empty and very quiet house?
I am praying for strength as Monday morning approaches. As I drop my baby boy off at school and my tears start to fall I will smile and wave! He is so excited and I just want to scream for time to stop! That is sure to be the longest 7 hours of my life. I am not going to be able to think about anything but him and if he is ok. I pray that when I pick him up, I will see the light of excitement in his eyes and know that it was a great day! I hope I can then blink the tears away and hear about his day! Then our new chapter will have begun!
Lord give me strength!
So…. here we go! My little guy is going into kindergarten and little girl is going into 4th grade. Bare with me as I cry.
GULP! I know I can handle this. God has prepared me for this season in our life. Ready or not, here it is.
I will try to embrace this new season. Somehow. I will do what mothers have done for centuries. I will do what my mother and grandmother did. I will watch him grow and enjoy this time his life.
But please allow me a little time to cry. I am sad. I am excited. I am full of emotions.
I love this passage, so I leave you with this:
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.