This has been a hard year.
I don’t want this to be a poor me post. I struggled about sharing this. But this blog is my safe place. If I am feeling this way, maybe someone else is too. We all need encouragement now and then.
So….this has been a hard year.
My husband lost his job in March. In June he found a job. We hated the hours and pay, but it was a job. We were thankful! Then, few weeks later he got a call. A great call with an incredible job opportunity. We were so excited. He took it and quit his bad job. After he quit and was preparing to start the new job he got another call. They said it might not work out. Sure enough. It didn’t work out. Not at all. So we are back where we started….no job.
I have really struggled with my depression. New doctors. New medicine. I have hit bottom more than once. Many tears. Many black days.
Our family has struggled. As with anyone who has experienced these things, it is hard on the whole family. It puts extra stress on a marriage. So many questions and extra pressure.
I started wondering if God had forgot about us. My faith has not been strong the last few months. All the “whys” keep filling my mind.
I had a talk with my best friend last weekend. She is going through something very hard right now. It had me wondering “why her?” As I poured out my heart to her she said, “I can’t lose my faith. It is all I have.”
Wow. She is so right. As Christians we have a gift of hope and faith. Without it this is a very dark world. What do people without faith do to get by? How awful and hopeless that must be. As Christians we have a promise that he will never leave us. He has a beautiful plan for us. A plan for us to prosper and not to harm us.
Tonight I was reminded of Hannah in the Bible. For those that do not know the story of Hannah here is 1 Samuel 1:10:
She felt like God had forgotten her. She pleaded with him to remember her. She poured out her heart to him. You know what he did, he gave her what she so deeply wanted. Was it because of his timing or because she asked him ? Maybe both. Perhaps he had already planned to allow her to have a child. Or perhaps he heard her plea and answered her.
It is hard for me to admit my faith has wavered this year. I felt like we had been through enough already. I was tired of being tested and having all these trials. Like God had turned his back on me…on us. But I was reminded faith is all we have sometimes and it is all we need. He will not leave us or forsake us. He promised us that!
Don’t lose faith friends! He has not forgotten us! He has a plan. He wants to hear what is on your heart. He wants to give you what you so deeply want. Maybe he has something even better in store! Have faith!