First I must apologize for waiting so long to share this report. Those of you who have been sending well wishes and praying for me have touched my heart. The truth is it has taken me this long to be ready to talk about it. What happened can only be explained as a miracle and the mighty healing hand of God. I needed time.
The past 5 months have been life changing. As you may remember my obgyn discovered 2 large masses on my ovaries. 1 on each. They were first thought to be cysts, then masses, then complex tumors. I was sent to an oncologist and every single test showed that I had ovarian cancer.
The dr prepared me and could only stage the cancer after opening me up. The MRI and ultrasound both showed the tumors appeared to be attached to other organs. They would remove whatever they needed to. We discussed that she may have to remove part of my bowel and put the remaining pieces together. I remember talking about a “poop bag” being a possibility. I prepared myself. My family prepared themselves. We made plans.
I went into surgery Oct 10 at MD Anderson Cancer Center. I was in surgery for 8 hours. I remember vaguely seeing my husband’s face when I woke saying “They got it all. All the cancer is gone!”
Are you ready for this? What she found when she opened me up was 2 massive cysts and severe endometriosis. It was attached to my bladder, colon and stomach. She had to dissect everything to remove it. They removed over 8 pounds of mass and female organs! A few important things to note are that endometriosis was never seen or mentioned to me before that day! Ever! The tumors were not cancer. The preliminary pathologist showed that. I had to wait 3 weeks to get the final report. It was a mess in there, but it was not cancer.
At the 3 week check up the oncologist confirmed that I was cancer free. I needed to follow up and be monitored closely by my obgyn. The doctor was shocked and happy!
I have heard it ALL since the surgery! The doctors were wrong. The tests were all wrong. Did they do more tests to be sure? What do the doctors know? BUT I choose to believe that it was a miracle. I saw the test. I read the reports. I saw the tumor markers on 2 separate tests. I went through all the blood work and ultrasounds. I saw the tech’s faces. I saw what was on the screen and listened as they showed me what they were looking at. I heard the doctor’s talking. I saw the doctor’s faces. I SAW! My mom saw. I heard what they were telling me on every single call and appointment. It was bad news after more bad news. It was real. It was happening.
Bottom line? I do not have cancer…Yes! Thank you God. I choose not to believe that everything and everyone was wrong. I think that would be deminishing what GOD did! He healed me. I choose to believe that!
With that comes so many emotions. I have been dealing daily with that. I was prepared to fight for my life. I was prepared to accept the fact my life would be different from now on.
The thing is it is different. Very different. I have life! But I also have guilt. Why me? Why am I ok and dear friends are not? Family members who have passed on where not. How can I be happy while others are not so lucky? This is probably hard to imagine. Honestly I wouldn’t have understood this 4 months ago. I’d say…come on…be happy! You are healed! You are well. But it is hard to accept that God was so good to me. I don’t deserve this blessing. What does this mean? How can I prove I am worthy? What is my purpose? I must have a purpose. Emotions are all over the place. It is hard to explain.
I think I have finally turned a page. On Thanksgiving I soaked up EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. Every smile and hug is so precious to me now. I must stop wondering WHY and make this life the best possible one it can be. I want to spread joy, love, and hope. I am not worthy and will never do anything that proves I am worthy of this blessing. But I can make my life mean something starting now. My story is not over. I have many chapters left in this life.
I hope that my story will encourage YOU! This is not about me. It is about sharing what God has done and can do. Know that God listens and does answer prayer. He changes things if we just believe! Prayer is powerful! Thank you to each of you that lifted me up. God heard each prayer. I will never be able to thank everyone enough. Please know that YOU made a difference and you are loved!
How has God blessed you? Sometimes it is a clear, obvious miracle like the one I experienced. Sometimes it is the simple act of someone else. But he is alive and working today!