16 years ago I became a mom. My husband and I are in disbelief sometimes. If you had told us 20 years ago, that one day we would have 2 teenagers, we would have laughed. This is not the life I expected to have all those year ago. Let me tell you a little story that will help you see why.
2002 – I married my sweetheart! I love story that only God could write.
2003- We were in a small apartment. We were living on love and a few dollars. But decided we wanted a baby.
Feb 2004- We bought a house. So exciting. No baby yet. I got some books on helping our chances of making a baby. (Don’t laugh!)
Mid 2004- I started having tests done to figure out why I wasn’t getting pregnant. Turns out I wasn’t ovulating. Had multiple cysts. I had an auto immune disorders issues including a severely overactive thyroid. I went to specialist and did a few months trying with medication to assist.
September 2004- I was told by my Endo AND OBGYN that my chances of getting pregnant without fertility treatments were very slim. Joel and I opted NOT to do fertility treatments. We prayed a lot! We let go of our dreams of having biological children. We knew God must have another plan for us.
Jan 2005- We decided to adopt. We were adopting from Panama. It was an intense and expensive process. We did our home study, prepared a nursery, there was paperwork galore, we got our passports, we had to go through many approvals, and they studied every part of our lives, we did and passed all government paperwork, referral letters, tests, certifications…
July 2005- And Finally…All Approved. We were thrilled! We paid our very last adoption fee. Our paperwork was officially in Panama. We were just waiting to be matched with a child. The call was expected to come any day. We could not wait to go get our child.
I was continuing other health treatments. My overactive thyroid was causing stress on my heart, so I had an aggressive treatment on my thyroid to kill it (It was called Radioactive Iodine Treatment). I remember I was told by the staff before I did the treatment that it was very important not get pregnant for at least 12 weeks after this procedure. Joel and I laughed! Not a chance.
End of July 2005- I was late, which was not odd. I felt very weird but that was also not odd. But old habits die hard. I had so many old pregnancy tests from when we were trying to get pregnant. So, I thought why not.
THERE WERE 2 LINES! I had never seen 2 lines!! I called my husband into the bathroom with sleepy eyes and said “How many lines do you see???” He said “2… What does that mean?”
August 2005- I was pregnant! Thrilled and scared to death at the same time. God had blessed us! But the timing? I remembered the words of the doctor just 3 weeks prior about not getting pregnant! The first few weeks were a blur. I bled a lot and we thought I was miscarrying twice. I will never forget my first appointment with my OBGYN. I was so incredibly excited and ready for a plan. But instead, she gave the option of terminating the pregnancy. I remember that conversation so vividly. The Radioactivity (from the RAI treatment in July) in my body was dangerous. The baby was likely to not survive or to have health and developmental issues. I thought about that for exactly 0 seconds! I KNEW this child was a gift, an answered prayer and he/she was meant to be here! I gave it to God and let faith guide me.
August 2005-March 2006- We put the adoption on hold. We could not do both at the same time. I had ultrasounds about every 2 weeks to check on the baby. There were lot of scares. I went on bed rest. It was a rough 9 months! But again! FAITH! God was bigger. (We decided her middle name would be Faith).
March 2006 – A beautiful baby girl came into this world with a grand entrance! This was a birth story no one saw coming. After 24 hours in labor, we needed to do a c-section. The epidurals did not work the entire time I was in labor. I got 4 I think? I was not progressing and in so much pain it was time. So, they did one last epidural to prep for the c-section. They rolled me into the operating room and my husband was told to get dressed and wait for the green light. Then things got very scary!
Suddenly, I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t move. Something was very wrong. I remember I said with as much breath as I could get that I couldn’t breath and the nurse told me, if I was talking I could breath. I couldn’t move my arms like they said to do. I couldn’t move anything at all. The Doctor walked in and was looking in my eyes as I turned blue. I thought I said “help me”, but nothing came out. Then everything went black. I do remember things about that moment that are too personal to share.
Simply put: I coded.
They brought me back.
I woke up 5 hours later. I was no longer pregnant. She was not inside me!
I was told I had a daughter!
All I wanted was to see my baby and my husband. They rolled me into a room, and I saw my husband. I remember looking up and him and he said “she is perfect!”
When she was 6 hours old I saw her for the first time! I held my baby!
It turns out neither of us saw her enter the world. They did an emergency removal of her when I stopped breathing. So, when they came and got my husband, instead of coming in the operating room where I was, he went to a room with our baby. They were still working on me. He had no idea what was happening.
From the moment of conception this miracle child was determined and meant to be here, in her own way, in her own time.
In 2009 we welcomed a precious little boy into the world. How he got here is another story for another day. Another true miracle baby!
Fast forward to 2022. We are celebrating her 16th birthday! I am crying as I write this, thinking about those years of uncertainty. The tears. The prayers. The pain. The true test of faith. It was worth every second!
She has continued to blaze her own unique trail! She is still just as determined and strong willed as she was that first day to do her own thing. And I love it! What a gift!
We did not proceed with the adoption.
These babies are my everything.
Life isn’t good. It is AMAZING. I am blessed with much more than I ever dreamed I could be. I thank God every day for the life he has blessed me with, my husband (who is a ROCK), and the children that he trusted us with.
So no, this is not the life I expected. It is so much MORE!
No matter how much we plan, God’s plan is so much bigger and greater. Life is full of surprises. Good and bad! I learned to set aside expectations and my own plans and let the surprises roll in. I am ready!
Thanks for taking time to read my little “God story”. I hope it explains why I feel the way I do today about my babies, miracles, life, faith, and love!
You may be in the midst of things that do not make sense or your heart is breaking daily. Maybe you are terrified. If you are in the middle of that dark time, please keep the faith. If I could go back in time and tell myself anything, it would be this: “Keep your eyes on God and keep going. Your story is not over yet! There are beautiful surprises ahead!” So instead, I will tell YOU that today!
Keep your eyes on God and keep going. Your story is not over yet! There are beautiful surprises ahead!